Awards
I am truly grateful for winning these awards. Not bad for a demo that I shot in a 10'X20' storage unit by myself, playing all seven characters, using my Canon 35MM camera and a remote control. Meanwhile, the competition was using real cameramen, high end cameras, lighting and sound crews, real sets, different types of shots, and real actors to interact with. Imagine what I can do if I had all of these tools at my command!
Click on the awards to enlarge
Trophies
Best Script
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Script" for my feature length screenplay, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This trophy was handcrafted from a chunk of high grade uranium, by a guy in Iran who makes trophies on the side of his regular job as a nuclear bomb designer. It repels mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, roaches, bedbugs, and the worst of all, slimy garden slugs. Because of Iran's terrible economy, I got it dirt cheap! I chose the baseball player trophy because, I hit it out of the park to win the award.
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Script" for my feature length screenplay, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This trophy was handcrafted from a chunk of high grade uranium, by a guy in Iran who makes trophies on the side of his regular job as a nuclear bomb designer. It repels mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, roaches, bedbugs, and the worst of all, slimy garden slugs. Because of Iran's terrible economy, I got it dirt cheap! I chose the baseball player trophy because, I hit it out of the park to win the award.
Best Comedy Short Film
West Coast Film Festival Charlie Chaplin Silver Award "Best Comedy" for The Don Of West Hollywood short/demo. This trophy was handcrafted by a trophy maker in the Bahamas that uses recycled #10 food cans, suntan lotion bottles, and used condoms that are dumped into the ocean by cruise ships at night when no one is looking.
This trophy is dedicated to my Uncle Tony, who was a professional bowler. I got to see him win on ABC's Wide World Of Sports, "Professional Bowlers Tour" against the notorious, Bruce "Gutter Ball" Murphy.
West Coast Film Festival Charlie Chaplin Silver Award "Best Comedy" for The Don Of West Hollywood short/demo. This trophy was handcrafted by a trophy maker in the Bahamas that uses recycled #10 food cans, suntan lotion bottles, and used condoms that are dumped into the ocean by cruise ships at night when no one is looking.
This trophy is dedicated to my Uncle Tony, who was a professional bowler. I got to see him win on ABC's Wide World Of Sports, "Professional Bowlers Tour" against the notorious, Bruce "Gutter Ball" Murphy.
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Best Music Track
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Music Track" from my comedy short/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". It's called, "I'll Be There". It is going to be used in a flashback scene in the feature film. I wrote the music, lyrics, programmed the percussion, and sang all of the vocal tracks. Four time Emmy Award winner Leonard Wolf performed all of the other tracks.
The trophy was handcrafted from a piece of stripper pole from the defunct, Park Burlesque Theater in Youngstown Ohio, where the popular Busty Russel used to perform her strip tease act. They say the stripper pole was the cause of the stage splitting in two and shutting down the theater. Personally, I think it was Busty's humongous bust that caused the the stage to split in two. Someone said her bust was 50", another person said it was 70", because she was widely known to have chronic back problems, only her chiropractor knew for sure! Interesting factoid; the inventor the automobile airbag used to frequent her shows.
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Music Track" from my comedy short/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". It's called, "I'll Be There". It is going to be used in a flashback scene in the feature film. I wrote the music, lyrics, programmed the percussion, and sang all of the vocal tracks. Four time Emmy Award winner Leonard Wolf performed all of the other tracks.
The trophy was handcrafted from a piece of stripper pole from the defunct, Park Burlesque Theater in Youngstown Ohio, where the popular Busty Russel used to perform her strip tease act. They say the stripper pole was the cause of the stage splitting in two and shutting down the theater. Personally, I think it was Busty's humongous bust that caused the the stage to split in two. Someone said her bust was 50", another person said it was 70", because she was widely known to have chronic back problems, only her chiropractor knew for sure! Interesting factoid; the inventor the automobile airbag used to frequent her shows.
Click the audio bar below to hear a little taste of it
Best Actor
I won this Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Actor" award for playing 7-characters in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This statue should not be confused with the fake plastic Oscar Award statues that they give out on the Academy Award shows. Mine is the real thing, made out of solid 23 carat gold leaf, and is insured for fingerprint damage by Floyds Of London.
I won this Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Actor" award for playing 7-characters in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This statue should not be confused with the fake plastic Oscar Award statues that they give out on the Academy Award shows. Mine is the real thing, made out of solid 23 carat gold leaf, and is insured for fingerprint damage by Floyds Of London.
Click on the video to view and expand
Best Short Film
The $2 Film Festival Semi-Finalist "Best Comedy Award". This festival is run by college students in NYC; A good sign for the future success of the feature film, because they get it! This trophy is made from a recycled left front bumper Teat of a 1957 Chevy Bel Air.
I had this trophy custom made to prove that everything in life happens for a reason. I used to be able to clean and jerk 500 pounds before I had several hernia operations that led to my acting, writing, and movie making career. Not to mention that I used to be 6' 4". God works in mysterious ways!
The $2 Film Festival Semi-Finalist "Best Comedy Award". This festival is run by college students in NYC; A good sign for the future success of the feature film, because they get it! This trophy is made from a recycled left front bumper Teat of a 1957 Chevy Bel Air.
I had this trophy custom made to prove that everything in life happens for a reason. I used to be able to clean and jerk 500 pounds before I had several hernia operations that led to my acting, writing, and movie making career. Not to mention that I used to be 6' 4". God works in mysterious ways!
Best Poster Art
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Poster Art" Silver Award for The Don Of West Hollywood short film/demo. I used an airbrush tool similar to the one that the fireman is holding on the trophy below to make the poster(s). It's about five feet long.
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Poster Art" Silver Award for The Don Of West Hollywood short film/demo. I used an airbrush tool similar to the one that the fireman is holding on the trophy below to make the poster(s). It's about five feet long.
Best Trailer
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Trailer" Bronze Award for The Don Of West Hollywood short film/demo. The trophy was made by a witch doctor in Tanzania who shrank down a real semi tractor-trailer. It was then finished off in 14 carat gold and hand painted by the abstract mural artist, Jerome "Too Tall" Jones.
Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Trailer" Bronze Award for The Don Of West Hollywood short film/demo. The trophy was made by a witch doctor in Tanzania who shrank down a real semi tractor-trailer. It was then finished off in 14 carat gold and hand painted by the abstract mural artist, Jerome "Too Tall" Jones.
Best Advertisement/Sizzle Reel
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Advertisement" Gold Award/Steely Dom Films Sizzle Reel. This trophy is made of 50% seaweed and 50% sticky rice, baked in a kiln, with a mold resistant gold wasabi covering. I call it, "Catch The Steely Dom Films Wave".
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival "Best Advertisement" Gold Award/Steely Dom Films Sizzle Reel. This trophy is made of 50% seaweed and 50% sticky rice, baked in a kiln, with a mold resistant gold wasabi covering. I call it, "Catch The Steely Dom Films Wave".
Best Actor
So You Think You Can Act Competition "Best Actor" trophy for playing seven characters in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". I told the guy that made this trophy that I wanted a BEST ACTOR trophy, not a BEST TRACTOR trophy. After he explained to me that it's a special drag racing tractor doing a wheel stand, that changed everything. Now I love it!
So You Think You Can Act Competition "Best Actor" trophy for playing seven characters in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". I told the guy that made this trophy that I wanted a BEST ACTOR trophy, not a BEST TRACTOR trophy. After he explained to me that it's a special drag racing tractor doing a wheel stand, that changed everything. Now I love it!
Best Music Video
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Silver Award trophy for, "When Love Takes Hold". This song was written by Timmy Tappen (RIP) and Don "Ronzo" Roth (RIP). They hired me to sing this demo which will be included in the soundtrack of my comedy feature film, The Don Of West Hollywood.
This trophy was made with a microphone owned by Roger Daltrey from "The Who". Notice the dent in it? That's from him swinging the microphone around and repeatedly hitting Pete Townshend in the head. That's why Pete is always running and jumping around the stage trying to avoid getting knocked out. When he can't take it anymore, he flips out and starts breaking his guitar against his amplifier and floor. He once told Rolling Stone Magazine, that he would love to shove his guitar up Roger Daltrey's arse and kill him, but then, the band would have to find another singer that looks and screams like Roger Daltrey, so he grudgingly puts up with his bullshit antics!
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Silver Award trophy for, "When Love Takes Hold". This song was written by Timmy Tappen (RIP) and Don "Ronzo" Roth (RIP). They hired me to sing this demo which will be included in the soundtrack of my comedy feature film, The Don Of West Hollywood.
This trophy was made with a microphone owned by Roger Daltrey from "The Who". Notice the dent in it? That's from him swinging the microphone around and repeatedly hitting Pete Townshend in the head. That's why Pete is always running and jumping around the stage trying to avoid getting knocked out. When he can't take it anymore, he flips out and starts breaking his guitar against his amplifier and floor. He once told Rolling Stone Magazine, that he would love to shove his guitar up Roger Daltrey's arse and kill him, but then, the band would have to find another singer that looks and screams like Roger Daltrey, so he grudgingly puts up with his bullshit antics!
Click on the video to view and expand
Best Music Video
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Silver Award for my piano/vocal cover of Michael McDonald's, "I Can Let Go Now" that I produced in Nashville, with Dennis Burnside on keyboards. I put a twist on the video to make it a little more interesting. The original idea was about a Three Toed Sloth (Could have been male, female, or transgender) that descends down a tree to do it's business, then climbs back up the tree. Sloths are slow, so the video would have been at least an hour long. Who's going to sit thru a video for an hour staring at a sloth? Not me!
This is a true story about the trophy. A federal judge told the guy that made this trophy that he had two choices, go to rehab, or spend a month handcuffed to a chair listening to AOC talk about greenhouse gases, her therapy sessions with her shrink, and making the perfect martini. What did he do, you ask? He was smoking a cigarette a block away, as thousands of peaceful protesters stormed the Capital Building in D.C.. Needless to say, he chose to go to rehab. Wise choice, since having to listen to AOC talk about anything would have surely given him a brain aneurysm.
This guy is really good! He made the trophy out of plastic water cups and those little cups that they put his Ritalin medicine in. They said it's the same brand that Nancy Pelosi takes, which explains her obsession with ice cream.
Everyday, he would work on the trophy as he watched a loop video of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", because that's the only movie they play in rehab. I don't know why, but for some reason, spray cans of paint are not allowed in rehab, so he painted the trophy when he got out. I think he did a great job! Unfortunately, he has to go back to rehab for getting addicted to ice cream.
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Silver Award for my piano/vocal cover of Michael McDonald's, "I Can Let Go Now" that I produced in Nashville, with Dennis Burnside on keyboards. I put a twist on the video to make it a little more interesting. The original idea was about a Three Toed Sloth (Could have been male, female, or transgender) that descends down a tree to do it's business, then climbs back up the tree. Sloths are slow, so the video would have been at least an hour long. Who's going to sit thru a video for an hour staring at a sloth? Not me!
This is a true story about the trophy. A federal judge told the guy that made this trophy that he had two choices, go to rehab, or spend a month handcuffed to a chair listening to AOC talk about greenhouse gases, her therapy sessions with her shrink, and making the perfect martini. What did he do, you ask? He was smoking a cigarette a block away, as thousands of peaceful protesters stormed the Capital Building in D.C.. Needless to say, he chose to go to rehab. Wise choice, since having to listen to AOC talk about anything would have surely given him a brain aneurysm.
This guy is really good! He made the trophy out of plastic water cups and those little cups that they put his Ritalin medicine in. They said it's the same brand that Nancy Pelosi takes, which explains her obsession with ice cream.
Everyday, he would work on the trophy as he watched a loop video of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", because that's the only movie they play in rehab. I don't know why, but for some reason, spray cans of paint are not allowed in rehab, so he painted the trophy when he got out. I think he did a great job! Unfortunately, he has to go back to rehab for getting addicted to ice cream.
Click on the video to view and expand
Best Advertisement
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Advertisement" Gold Award for my James Brown-inspired 60 and 30 second commercial jingles, that you can dance to.
I know what you're thinking, it's another Bowling trophy, like the one honoring my Uncle Tony, the professional bowler. All I can say is, if you were offered 80% off the retail price, you'd buy it too. It was either this trophy or the other discounted trophy that had a transgender male performing a tennis ball service. I don't want people contacting me, asking if it's a non-binary person, male or female, or is it, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner?
I have nothing against any of these groups of people, I just don't want to be bothered about it. I've got a lot of work to do! Anyway, you might hear a Steely Dom Films commercial jingle on the radio, on both, AM and FM radio bands.
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Advertisement" Gold Award for my James Brown-inspired 60 and 30 second commercial jingles, that you can dance to.
I know what you're thinking, it's another Bowling trophy, like the one honoring my Uncle Tony, the professional bowler. All I can say is, if you were offered 80% off the retail price, you'd buy it too. It was either this trophy or the other discounted trophy that had a transgender male performing a tennis ball service. I don't want people contacting me, asking if it's a non-binary person, male or female, or is it, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner?
I have nothing against any of these groups of people, I just don't want to be bothered about it. I've got a lot of work to do! Anyway, you might hear a Steely Dom Films commercial jingle on the radio, on both, AM and FM radio bands.
Click on the video to view and expand
Best Music Video
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Gold Award for "I'd Be A Fool". This song was written by Timmy Tappen (RIP) and Don "Ronzo" Roth (RIP). They hired me to sing this demo which will be included in the soundtrack for my comedy feature film, "The Don Of West Hollywood".
This custom trophy features a transgender tennis player on the top of it. Apparently, no one wanted to buy it for years, because it's not someone famous like, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner. My guess is, it's a trimmed down Oprah Winfrey, but what do I know!
The vendor offered to sell it to me for 99% off the retail price, and I still didn't want it. Finally, he wanted to get rid of it so bad, he gave it to me for free. He even included free engraving!
I know, I know, it doesn't have anything to do with winning the award like my other trophies do, but hey, "I'd be a fool" to pass up an offer like this!
Check this out, the layers of marble are real marble from Italy! They got to be worth at least $4,000-$5,000!
The Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize "Best Music Video" Gold Award for "I'd Be A Fool". This song was written by Timmy Tappen (RIP) and Don "Ronzo" Roth (RIP). They hired me to sing this demo which will be included in the soundtrack for my comedy feature film, "The Don Of West Hollywood".
This custom trophy features a transgender tennis player on the top of it. Apparently, no one wanted to buy it for years, because it's not someone famous like, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner. My guess is, it's a trimmed down Oprah Winfrey, but what do I know!
The vendor offered to sell it to me for 99% off the retail price, and I still didn't want it. Finally, he wanted to get rid of it so bad, he gave it to me for free. He even included free engraving!
I know, I know, it doesn't have anything to do with winning the award like my other trophies do, but hey, "I'd be a fool" to pass up an offer like this!
Check this out, the layers of marble are real marble from Italy! They got to be worth at least $4,000-$5,000!
Click on the video to view and expand
BEST MUSIC VIDEO
I was awarded the Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize, Gold Award for my vocal performance of the song "Here Where I Belong", written by Tom Snow. I produced and sang this piano/vocal song in Nashville, with Dennis Burnside on keyboards.
The trophy was made from melted down Wayne Gretzky hockey skate blades and Italian marble. The hockey player represents my "Hat Trick" for winning 3 music video awards.
I was awarded the Los Angeles Motion Picture Festival Grand Jury Prize, Gold Award for my vocal performance of the song "Here Where I Belong", written by Tom Snow. I produced and sang this piano/vocal song in Nashville, with Dennis Burnside on keyboards.
The trophy was made from melted down Wayne Gretzky hockey skate blades and Italian marble. The hockey player represents my "Hat Trick" for winning 3 music video awards.
Click on the video to view and expand
Best Actor
Like my other acting award, winning the 1st Giff/Genesis International Film Festival award was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". It wasn't for a specific acting category, like comedy or drama, so making it to the quarter finals was a pretty big accomplishment to me, especially when you factor in that this was an international film festival, with Trillions and Trillions of entries. Trillions!
About the trophy, never again will I buy another trophy from these guys! That's what I get for using the State Of California's "Hire A Convict Program". I can't return it because they have a "No Return Policy", so I'm stuck with this ridiculous stupid looking trophy. What an insult to the integrity of Steely Dom Films!
I asked them to make me a trophy about my "Best Actor Quarterfinal Award" and they sent me a Quarterback Trophy. I didn't ask for a quarterback trophy, it doesn't even look like a quarterback, he's not throwing the football! They said, "He's running with the football because his offensive line hates him and won't block for him". Can you believe it? The convict that made this trophy should have 10 years added to his sentence, and be demoted to the license plate factory.
Like my other acting award, winning the 1st Giff/Genesis International Film Festival award was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". It wasn't for a specific acting category, like comedy or drama, so making it to the quarter finals was a pretty big accomplishment to me, especially when you factor in that this was an international film festival, with Trillions and Trillions of entries. Trillions!
About the trophy, never again will I buy another trophy from these guys! That's what I get for using the State Of California's "Hire A Convict Program". I can't return it because they have a "No Return Policy", so I'm stuck with this ridiculous stupid looking trophy. What an insult to the integrity of Steely Dom Films!
I asked them to make me a trophy about my "Best Actor Quarterfinal Award" and they sent me a Quarterback Trophy. I didn't ask for a quarterback trophy, it doesn't even look like a quarterback, he's not throwing the football! They said, "He's running with the football because his offensive line hates him and won't block for him". Can you believe it? The convict that made this trophy should have 10 years added to his sentence, and be demoted to the license plate factory.
Best Actor Honorable Mention
Like my other acting awards, getting the Best Actor Honorable Mention award was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". I didn't win the top prize, but like in Horseshoes, I was close.
Like my other acting awards, getting the Best Actor Honorable Mention award was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". I didn't win the top prize, but like in Horseshoes, I was close.
Best Actor
Like my other acting awards, winning Best Actor in the Big Fridge International Film Festival was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood".
This custom trophy was made by the same guy in the Bahamas that made my Best Comedy Trophy. He makes them from recycled #10 food cans, suntan lotion bottles, and condoms that are thrown overboard by cruise ships at night, when no one is looking.
Like my other acting awards, winning Best Actor in the Big Fridge International Film Festival was based on the 7-characters that I played in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood".
This custom trophy was made by the same guy in the Bahamas that made my Best Comedy Trophy. He makes them from recycled #10 food cans, suntan lotion bottles, and condoms that are thrown overboard by cruise ships at night, when no one is looking.
Best Short Film
I quickly took a picture of the Hollywood's Monthly Film Festival "Best Short Film" Award for my comedy short/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This award is special to me because I shot it in a 10'x20' storage unit by myself playing 7-characters. I then added the backgrounds to all of the scenes in my video editing program. I needed a demo to give potential producers an idea of what the movie is going to be like, so winning awards for it is like cherries on top of a cheesecake.
Check out the trophy that I had made for this award. I told the trophy maker to use his imagination and make me a cool-looking trophy. This genius took me literally and made it out of ice. I was wondering why there was dry ice in the delivery box! As you can see, the trophy is melting and must be kept in the freezer. Unfortunately, it won't be on the Steely Dom Films Trophy Tour, but I will put a picture of it on the stage with the other trophies.
I quickly took a picture of the Hollywood's Monthly Film Festival "Best Short Film" Award for my comedy short/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". This award is special to me because I shot it in a 10'x20' storage unit by myself playing 7-characters. I then added the backgrounds to all of the scenes in my video editing program. I needed a demo to give potential producers an idea of what the movie is going to be like, so winning awards for it is like cherries on top of a cheesecake.
Check out the trophy that I had made for this award. I told the trophy maker to use his imagination and make me a cool-looking trophy. This genius took me literally and made it out of ice. I was wondering why there was dry ice in the delivery box! As you can see, the trophy is melting and must be kept in the freezer. Unfortunately, it won't be on the Steely Dom Films Trophy Tour, but I will put a picture of it on the stage with the other trophies.
Best Actor In Comedy Film
The "Best Film Awards" competition awarded me the "Best Actor In Comedy Film" award for playing 7-characters in my short comedy film/demo, "The Don Of West Hollywood". Thank you, thank you, thank you!
My 3rd cousin's next door neighbor's brother's friend works at a factory that makes the Oscar statues. He said that he would design a statue for me to commemorate this momentous achievement for a twelve-pack of beer, and promised that I will be better than those cheap fake gold statues that they give out at the Oscar Awards.
This statue was made with one of the largest fake diamonds in the world and is covered in 26 karat gold. Two karats better than 24 karat gold. The post on this diamond that he used to wear in his ear broke off, so instead of throwing it away, he used it for the base of this trophy. Very creative! Now I know why his left earlobe is about an inch longer than his right one. I included a picture of the statue from behind for those women who like to look at tight, naked, man buns.
My 3rd cousin's next door neighbor's brother's friend works at a factory that makes the Oscar statues. He said that he would design a statue for me to commemorate this momentous achievement for a twelve-pack of beer, and promised that I will be better than those cheap fake gold statues that they give out at the Oscar Awards.
This statue was made with one of the largest fake diamonds in the world and is covered in 26 karat gold. Two karats better than 24 karat gold. The post on this diamond that he used to wear in his ear broke off, so instead of throwing it away, he used it for the base of this trophy. Very creative! Now I know why his left earlobe is about an inch longer than his right one. I included a picture of the statue from behind for those women who like to look at tight, naked, man buns.
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Best Movie Poster
The Gothamite Monthly Film Awards awarded me the "Best Movie Poster Of The Month" for March 2024. This award competition hails from New York, New York, where as everyone knows, the greatest poster judges in the world live. Makes me so proud! I designed the poster with my bare hands and a computer program to my exact specifications until I achieved the perfect balance of information, symmetry, and color.
If you ever want to have a trophy made, don't use the Trophy Department at the San Quentin Rehabilitation Center (Formally San Quentin State Prison). This is the second time they screwed up making a trophy for me, probably because the guy that starts making the trophy, never finishes it. He gets paroled and another convict takes over. I think the maximum sentence there is 3-4 weeks for any kind of crime. California is a very liberal State!
Anyway, I told them that I wanted a poster trophy, and what do they send me? A roaster trophy! That's what I get for trying to give those convicts an opportunity to learn a practical trade after they serve their debt to society. Participation trophies are big business nowadays. At least they got the engraving right!
If you ever want to have a trophy made, don't use the Trophy Department at the San Quentin Rehabilitation Center (Formally San Quentin State Prison). This is the second time they screwed up making a trophy for me, probably because the guy that starts making the trophy, never finishes it. He gets paroled and another convict takes over. I think the maximum sentence there is 3-4 weeks for any kind of crime. California is a very liberal State!
Anyway, I told them that I wanted a poster trophy, and what do they send me? A roaster trophy! That's what I get for trying to give those convicts an opportunity to learn a practical trade after they serve their debt to society. Participation trophies are big business nowadays. At least they got the engraving right!
